Self Love for the Single Soul

10 Ways to Enhance Your Single Life; Heart, Body, Mind & Soul.

​For the beautiful soul who is ready to share their life with another...

Ok, so I am currently not single, so why would I be sharing on this topic? Well let me explain; I have some true experience, I spent over a decade of my life as a single woman! Sure, I dated and had a few relationships during those years, but most days in those ten years I spent alone. The independent journey we label 'single' is an absolute growing experience. There is a true heart ache one experiences when they go through this chapter, but it is also one of the most powerful! Those 'can't eat can't sleep' emotions are real, but so is the confidence and growth that can come out of heartache. I currently have some very special women in my life who are single, and when they share their heart with me and the challenges they are facing as single ladies, I can't help but be reminded of this beautiful and painful journey.
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So today I am sharing a little about my single journey, as well as specific ways you can enhance your single life! 

By you choosing to read this today, you are sending a signal to the Universe that you are ready for love! As you read through, pay attention to the affirmations you see throughout the blog. These are powerful statements that can attract love and light in to your life. ​

As I mentioned earlier, the single journey is a painful and beautiful experience. 
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Painful because I shared my heart with the wrong people, was treated way less than I deserved, and experienced hurtful rejection by people I truly cared about. I thought I was in real love a couple of times, only to find out that the people I was in love with were selfishly deceiving me while I was sharing my heart with them. It hurt not to see them showing me with the respect that I deserved. Also, painful because I also broke some hearts along the way. I never intended to hurt anyone, but I had to stay true to my values and I what I wanted out of my life partner, and sometimes that meant I had to say goodbye. 

​​Beautiful because through every heartbreak I experienced, I became an even more powerful and dynamic woman. I created a mantra in my 20's that I lived by when my heart was hurting, "When all else fails, improve yourself" and I stayed true to that during each difficult moment in my single journey. I would focus on ME during heartbreak, improving myself; heart, body, mind, and soul. ​

(Me in the prime of my 'single days' loving life and enjoying the relationship with ME.) 

It's natural to go through all kinds of emotions when you are single. It's so easy feel sorry for yourself when you are longing for a unique type of unconditional love. In some moments we struggle with the thought of being alone. Other moments we feel unworthy of receiving real love. For some, its viewing alone time as being a loser who has no one to hang out with. Some days we may feel forgotten about, like everyone in the world is happy except for us. Some moments we may even start believing that real love doesn't exist. Overall, being single can feel discouraging sometimes, and that's why I wanted to share some love with you. If you have felt one or all of these emotions, please know that you are not alone!

Being single doesn't have to be a depressing, desperate chapter. It should be a time in your life when you feel truly EMPOWERED! A time in your life when you enjoy and embrace your freedom. A time to dig deep and get to know yourself. A time when you have so much self-love in your life, that a partner is just an added bonus, not someone who completes you.  

Let's shift your single perspective! 

Let's start by focusing on matters of your heart. ​​

1.) First thing first, you need to believe in yourself and believe in love. Open your heart up to the experience of finding a partner who is everything you are looking for. Just because you haven't met them yet does not mean they are not out there! I traveled out of the country for the first time on a girls trip when I met the man who would become my husband. We were friends for over a year before we ever even thought about dating each other. The point here is, you can't stop the connections that you are destined for. They show up in God's timing, not yours. You just have to open your heart and believe that you are WORTHY of real love! 

2.) Focus on the beautiful, unconditional relationships in your life that you already have! When you are in a relationship, the time you have for your other relationships can easily get put on the back burner. When we join lives with another, we don't have the same time we did when we were single to be a sister, aunt, friend, daughter, etc. Those roles are extremely important! Now that I am married and living in another state, I can't just call these special people and grab a bite to eat or spend quality time with them like I used to. Don't take this time for granted. Take the time you have now to spoil those relationships with love. As you give love to these relationships, RECEIVE the love from them as well. Reflect on the fact that these people love you just for being you! These relationships are the ones who love us unconditionally; flaws and all, just like the right partner for you will! If you have doubts that you are not worthy of a relationship, go to your closest people and take in the reminder that you are deeply loved. 

3.) Document the chapter! Journaling is such a powerful tool when you are single. It helps you to get out feelings in a safe place when you feel like no one is there. I did this A LOT during my single decade. In fact now I love grabbing my old journals and reading about my single journey. I even have journal entries from meeting my husband and that is so special to read now! I love reading about those days when I was hopeless, hopeful, and everything in between. It is really powerful to look back at how far I have come and all that I have learned. Get yourself a journal and start documenting this chapter and all that is on your heart and mind. One day when you are with the right person, you will look back and read those memories and smile. 

Now let's talk about a healthy, single body. ​

4.) Let's treat our bodies with the utmost love and respect. Sure, we all have physical desires, and it can be hard to go long periods of time when one is single; but let's be careful about how we treat our bodies during this free time in our lives. I am not going to give you a lecture on body and sexual health, but I am going to remind you that you are a beautiful, living being with purpose who deserves to be treated as such. Anytime we are sharing ourselves in any area; heart, body, mind, and soul, we should be treated with absolute respect. We need to make sure WE have healthy boundaries in our relationships. If you have been physically or sexually abused by another, it can very difficult to know what healthy boundaries are and how to have them. If you want more information on healthy relationship boundaries, view the link below for more information. I too had to learn about boundaries due to personal experiences of my own, but I now have educated hundreds of men, women, and children on this topic throughout my career.  

Resources for Healthy Relationships

5.) The other support suggestion I want to share for your body self-love during your single chapter; build your confidence and keep yourself from body shaming. Body shaming can come in many different forms; from judging your physical appearance and speaking negatively to or about yourself, or even judging yourself for decisions you make when being single. I encourage you to stay away from that negativity to yourself. Remember that you are single and free and have a right to say yes or no, just be safe and remember that you are your priority and you deserve to be treated the best! 

Let's talk about being kind to your mind.

It is so important to nurture your mental health during this time in your life. Experiencing loneliness can trigger a person's anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles. There are so many ways you can take care of your mind when single! 

​6.) READ, READ, READ! 
Yes I said it, read some self-help books! If you are going through a lonely chapter and you feel like the world doesn't understand you, read a book that not only will validate your feelings but will give you knowledge about what YOU can do to improve your relationship life. Self-helps books can be reminders that we are not alone and that we all have areas to improve on. When I was going through my single chapters, these three books were life changing for me. Mandy Hale, author of 'The Single Woman' writes beautiful, inspiring words about loving yourself during the single journey. Steve Harvey's, 'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man' was a powerful book for me. He keeps it real with women about boundaries, self-worth, and self-respect. Sherry Argov's book, 'Why Men Love B******" has a pretty vulgar title, but it's not as aggressive as it sounds. This book is actually all about having self-respect and how to demand it in a variety of ways.
I highly encourage you to find a book that will support you in your journey, it can make a big difference in you growing during your single chapter. 

7.) Reach out to a professional for extra support. Look I get it, it's not always easy to talk to someone about what is hurting you. Sometimes the advice from our family and friends is not enough. Sometimes we have unhealthy relationship patterns due to past experiences. It is healthy to reach out for help when you have an area of growth. Talking to a counselor or support service is a great way to get real feedback on your opportunities of growth. The first step in any change in your life is to be AWARE of what you need to change. We are all a work in progress! There is support out there to help you live your best life in relationships and more. 

Lastly, self-love for the single soul. 

8.) Gratitude:
​ Being grateful for the past, present, and future does wonders for our joy. You are experiencing this single journey in this moment for a reason. Taking time to reflect on the beauty of this moment can raise your soul vibration and attract more love in to your life. Take time to say thanks for the doors being closed in the past and the doors that are opening for your future. Even though the closed doors can be really painful, it is important to recognize that sometimes chapters end so that new beautiful ones can begin. I love this old quote that I used to live by in my single days, "Rejection is God's way of saying, wrong direction" 
Reflect on what has been closed and why. Sometimes the most painful endings are serving our highest good. 

9.) Forgiveness:
This is huge when going through a single journey. So many times when we step in to a single journey we have resentments towards the past. We question our decisions, their decisions, bargain with the outcome, 'why did this happen to me?' Sometimes we let go of people physically, but emotionally we are still upset with them and hold on to our hurts. In order to bring in the right person for us, we have to forgive those in our past who hurt us. We have to know that the pain they caused us served a purpose far greater than what we can see in the moment. One of my favorite forgiveness affirmations is, "I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be." Yes, sometimes our heartbreak is because of our own expectations. We can't change a person and we shouldn't want to. It's not our job to fix someone, and if you are out seeking to fix someone that that is a sure sign that you still have some inner work to do. 
We also need to forgive ourselves. We need to understand that we are doing the best we can. Have we made mistakes? Yes. That doesn't mean that we are not worthy of forgiveness. We are all unconditionally loved by a power far greater than we can imagine, and the Universe forgives us and loves us unconditionally, so let's take a look deep within and understand that we all deserve to forgive, and try again. 

10.) Surrender:
Remember that there is always a beautiful loving energy all around you that supports your highest good. Take the pressure off of yourself and stop trying to control your dating life! Stop trying so hard to meet 'the right one' and just live in the moment. I encourage you to stop trying so hard and stop overthinking. When you meet someone who is great for you, the connection happens naturally. Open your heart to the journey and have fun. Trust that God is always working to bring you the right person when you are ready!

Please know this, you deserve the absolute best! 

Some of you are reading this statment and have resistance, "she doesn't know me, how does she know I deserve the best?" Well I will tell you why- because if you are reading this right now then know that you were directed here by the very source that gave you life. The Universe didn't forget about you, you are not meaningless, you are a special, divine being created out of love, and you deserve love! 

I know it's hard, I have been there. I made many mistakes during my single journey, but I found my way. I found myself. I learned to love myself. I picked myself off from the ground (literally) and turned all the pain in to the most beautiful and fierce self-love. You can do this too! I hope that you keep these suggestions and affirmations close to your heart during your journey.

Remember, you are not alone! 

The most beautiful souls are the ones who have experienced real heart ache. I wouldn't have the beautiful relationship I have now if I hadn't went through some of the most challenging times. Each chapter of being single made me the wife I was always meant to be. 

From this former single lady to you and your beautiful heart; with the utmost love and respect for your journey.
I'm cheering for you.

​Love,

Arika Rochelle